-reading time: 5 minutes- / -audience: people who want change in their lives-
YOU WANT CHANGE? CHANGE YOUR STORY.
You want change in your life, in your career, in your behaviour. But it is hard and every time when you think you are ready for the change, something pulls you back. Triggers such as a situation, certain circumstances, old habits, feelings. I am sure you have said it yourself: Oh, it’s the story of my life…
It happens to all of us. Thoroughly asking yourself why you actually end up not doing what you really want and stand for, but remaining stuck in old habits, but also a boring job, an unfulfilling life – can change the story of your life.
So how do you change the story of your life?
THE RED PILL
A few weeks ago, I attended a great seminar by Dr. Geoff Mead on narrative leadership. It was the last session of quite an intensive week with Berliner startups working on change management, but it felt like the missing piece of the puzzle. The missing piece that connects all I have learned, experienced and have changed in my professional life, was the answer to Geoff Mead’s following question:
What is my story in the present, in the preferred future and in the future perfect?
Not an easy question and it needed a bit of digging in the past to remember how my story changed in the last years. When I was younger and my career was sort of the only thing I really cared about, I’d walk into a party and when people would ask me what I do in life, I would sum up the following:
- I work for [COMPANY]
- we produce [PRODUCTS]
- and I am [JOB TITLE]
- great projects, all international
- and I fly [NUMBER OF FLIGHTS] per year
Not the most inspirational story. Not at parties and neither inspiring for my colleagues at work. And as a matter of fact, it did not really inspire me as well anymore. I liked other people’s stories, but gradually my ‘list’ was totally beyond the expiration date in terms of fulfillment and excitement.
So in 2016 I did ‘a Neo’ and took the red pill to find out what my story really is and set myself to change to my future story. I entered the Matrix.
The seminar by Geoff Mead was about Narrative Leadership and how companies, groups, and individuals can use story telling to inspire others, move them, hook the audience, let them participate in the story. I will not go into narrative leadership at company level, but will focus in the article on how we can shape our own narrative and get that change going.
Before we enter the Matrix, I want to tell you a bit more about the importance of a story along a simple but effective breakout exercise that we did. We were asked to team up in pairs and run two rounds in which we:
- Listed all the benefits of traveling by train
- Told a story about the greatest train trip you ever did
After our 2 rounds, we were asked which of the two rounds we could fully remember and what sensations we felt. Not to anyone’s surprise, we all remembered the greatest train trip story (I still do remember what my counterpart told me) and we could barely remember the benefits (I have forgotten what my counterpart said).
The sensations that were mentioned, related mostly to feelings as if we were actually taking part in the story: the scenery became visible, the sun warmed us up, the smell of hot coffee in our noses, the squeaking of the brakes in our ears, the stress of almost missing the connection, the relieve of making it and the joy of happiness upon arrival.
And this is what a story can lead to. A story moves, hooks, engages, touches, inspires and invites people. When it’s real and authentic, when it’s relevant and suits the situation.
ENTER THE MATRIX
Back in 2016, when I decided to take the red pill, I felt a lot of tension between my present situation then and the preferred future I imagined. I wanted the attraction of the preferred future to move the present state toward it, but the pull of the present was too strong and sometimes it felt that the preferred future would collapse back toward the status quo.
I was apparently too attached to old patterns: thinking in my old ‘list of benefits’ and expecting that change would come from the outside.
I still had my anchors out and could not get the needed lift to my preferred future: my new story, with the change coming from inside of me.
My notes from Geoff Mead’s seminar illustrates how this looks like:
Lose the anchors and lift
I had to reduce the influence of stories that were anchoring the present to the status quo and had to imagine the future stories (not just information and arguments) to give the preferred future some substance and pull.
My anchors let me refer to my past when people asked me what my profession was. Another anchor was the attachment to the routines and benefits of my old work environment. But also from time to time regret and the need for extrinsic motivation and acknowledgement.
It took me some time to let it go and build intrinsic motivation, develop new routines and relying on myself instead of external factors and others. Often I would ask myself the question whether it was the right decision to change. And often my answer was that eventually my job lacked meaning and stagnated my development.
Slowly but surely, I could let go of the anchors and I started to imagine how my preferred future could or should look like. How I could transform myself from the inside and in what I could put my heart and soul into.
During our seminar with Geoff Mead, in retrospective it became clear how such a process works:
Grow your green shoots, GO OVER THE RAINBOW AND YOU’LL FIND YOUR FUTURE PERFECT
YOUR STORY, YOUR CHANGE
In the recent years, I have spoken to many people who want to change their career. I tell them my story and there is engagement and inspiration. People feel that the process has not been easy and that my passion is real. Some tell me their arguments why they cannot change, such as financial commitments, some tell me that they are in the process but find it hard to pull through. Some tell me that they will do it later and just need another year or so.
Find out what you really want and what you stand for. What makes you connect with other people. Ask yourself what makes you smile, excites you. What do you answer when people ask what you do for a living? Is it a list or a story?
If it’s not a story yet, or it is a story which doesn’t inspire you anymore; then dig deep to think of your preferred future story and your future perfect story and work backwards to identify the grass roots you need to grow.
Find out which anchors stop you from taking off and how you lose them. Identify who and what can help you to find lift.
You want change, start changing the story. Make the difference between knowing the path and walking the path. As Neo did.